Entry Six
Carved Porcelain Doll (First Episode)
Blue Book,
Sometimes, I can't help but speculate whether if I really am like
them or not. O shit. Seeing things in my head right now that I. Don't. Want.
To. SEE. I'll write them down as they come, but I bet it's gonna be hard, so
bear with me.
It's a girl. Nono. No, she's a woman. Her eyes are torn out.
There're needles in them. She can't look away because her lids have been
completely cut from her face. Poor thing...I think she's crying...or is it
blood...? Her wrists.... The veins are snapped like broken little strings on a
guitar, curling with blood seeping out the tips of them. It must be painful.
The corners of her mouth are crooked, twisted...o hell no.... There's an
imprint. She's smiling, but only because they made her that way. They
made her like this and I know why.
She
Is a
Carved
Porcelain Doll
Oh god. It's not stopping. I'm watching things AND I DON'T FUCKING
WANT TO SEE THEM.
Reene. She says her name is Reene. Right. I remember you I think. No
I don't. You're not here. I'll just tell them you don't exist. I'll tell them
and...fuck.... FUCK. Great going, genius! Tell the doctors and they'll up your
dose of that stuff that tastes so bad so you'll be even more fucked up than you
are now. GREAT FUCKING GOING EINSTEIN SUCK.
She's talking to me now: She is A carVEd (M) porcElain doll.
Come on you piece of shit you fucking sacrifice d'you wanna fucking
find me?
With the mask of a death she's a carved porcelain doll watching me
and I am seeing everything behind sealed windows twisting and writhing and
bleeding and dying.
Glass. She watches me with glass eyes.
God, I think I'm gonna be sick. I need to throw up.
Just did. Probably smell like shit too, I haven't showered in
awhile. At least the thoughts and words and images have stopped. I can't even
describe all of them. Went by too fast. Like a roll of film. Can't think. Need
drugs. Need something. Need anything just as long as it makes the pain stop. No
wait bad idea drugs they gave me fucked up my head. Had to run. Couldn't take
it. Shit. No. Nonono. Need something. Need....
No. Oh no. No, no, NO. I don't need. I don't need! I DON'T FUCKING
NEED.
Watching. She's watching me again.
She's always watching. Waiting. What if she finds me? What if she
kills me? What if I killed her? It's not the first time I've killed. What if I
die? What if? What if? What if? How, how, how? I, I, I, you, you, you--whine
and bitch JESUS H PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Please.
Please stop.
Please stop it.
Please stop it now.
It hurts. It hurts so fucking much.
Just shut up. Shut up. Now.